As a parent, when a child starts to express anxiety and stress, it feels terrifying to not know what to do to help. Not only is it difficult to find a therapist, how do we know if it is helping? What will the therapist do? Are they just in there playing with toys? When will I know if it is working? How can we assist the therapy process?
Therapy for Kids is Different
One of the most important first points to understand is that therapy for kids will look different than therapy for adults. Kids will not sit and discuss and process their emotions in a way that adults will. Traditional talk therapy is not the best approach for understanding what is happening. They will likely get bored with the process. This will also be frustrating for the therapist and the parents. So, what can you expect?
One of the first things will be that therapy will involve play, games, and fun. Children process through play. Children learn how to communicate, process trauma, and solve problems through play. A therapist will work with a child to learn and observe through play to help them through a lot of their challenges, depression, anxiety, and trauma. One of the biggest challenges with this is that it takes time. As a parent with children, I know this can be very difficult. When we are struggling, especially with undesirable issues, we want solutions now. Dealing with challenging issues makes it very hard to hear someone say that a therapeutic method is going to take time. Understand that it does take a lot of time for a child to learn to trust a therapist. This is a good thing. As parents, we do not want children to trust adults right away. Because of this, coming to a stranger’s office and working with them will take time to adjust. It may seem strange for the parent to watch the child come in and play games. You may wonder if the things they are doing are helping them, but please know that the therapist is allowing the child to learn safety and security. The therapist is also helping the child discover skills through play, and experiment with feelings and emotions.
Non-Directive
One of the most important things to understand about play therapy is that it is nondirective. The therapist allows the child to explore the room. A therapist may set out several things, but will let the child figure out what they are attracted to. If a child moves toward the puppets, the therapist will engage with the child in puppet play. If the child moves toward the art supplies, the therapist will engage in art work. Through these experiences, the child will begin to process some of the challenges they are facing, and the therapist can then guide them and work on healing. Because building trust in a therapist can take time, this process can also take time. This is the hardest part for parents, again because the challenges of a child who has been in crisis is causing issues at work or at home right now. Understanding that they need a safe space where they can feel like they can express their anxiety and heal from it will allow them to build the skills that they need.
A way to try and understand this is in this example. I do not like to exercise, but my doctor has said that I really need to for my health. Through a lot of experimentation, I have found I can deal with yoga, and I actually like swimming. If I do these two activities, my health is maintained in a much better fashion. This is a very adult-like way to solve problems. For children, problem-solving comes in play. If they are stressed, the best way to offer them opportunities to overcome their challenges is a safe space to figure out their stresses and solve them. Just like I had to experiment with exercise, they need to experiment with their life, and there is no better place to do so than in a safe play area with an expert who can watch for signs of trauma and stress.
Coping Skills in Therapy
Many kids struggle to find effective ways to cope. This often results in behaviors that are unwanted at school or at home. In therapy, children can have a place to explore emotion. A therapist may allow them to throw toys or get angry at the loss of a game. They explore the feelings in their body, and then they explore other ways of feeling as well. This is often done through play therapy. Again, this looks different than traditional talk therapy that parents may do. Because kids are not used to processing emotions and discussing them, it is more likely that they can play and express that way. They may also do art projects, sand tray, or work with clay or other means to cope with trauma or tragedy. Therapists may employ movement, music, or similar methods to help children understand what they are feeling in their bodies. They may have worksheets that children can work on, but they may also just have experiences within the session that children participate in.
Parents role
Parents play an important role in therapy. Part of that role is to allow the therapist and the child to build the relationship. Sometimes that does mean letting the child and the therapist work alone together. For some parents, and for some children, this can be scary. Some children have been harmed by adults, and because of this they do not want to be alone in the room with a stranger. This is understandable. However, some children will not open up or be emotionally expressive around their parents. Some therapists offer two-way mirrors or windows so that a parent can see what is going on in the session. If you need a space that offers that so that you can feel safe about your child being in the room with a therapist, seek that type of therapeutic setting. Some therapists will allow the parent to be in the room for all sessions. Understand that doing so will change the dynamic and the results of the therapy, making it family therapy rather than individual therapy.
Reinforcing the skills learned in therapy is important for coping skills and progress in therapy. Work closely with the therapist to understand the treatment plan. Be willing to find out what skills are being taught. When you are looking for therapy, be clear with the therapist about what your concerns are, and what you are hoping for from therapy. Understand what the limitations are, and what changes you are also willing to make. Therapy can do a lot, but there often needs to be adjustments made at home as well. Behavioral change benefits from consistency. If a child is struggling with attention, changing a schedule at home will initially be met with resistance, but will likely be the best thing for lasting change. If a child is struggling with anger, working on anger management skills will take effort both inside and outside of the therapy session.
Conclusion
Having a child that has been dealing with anxiety and stress is complicated. As a parent, you want to relieve their challenges, and you want to do it quickly. Therapy is an important piece of the puzzle for children in crisis. Understanding the process of therapy, and being patient with the way it works will help parents and children as they navigate the road to better mental health.