When someone asks me about coping skills for depression, I feel like it is a loaded question. Depression is a big challenge, and many people who have had depression have felt like their concerns have been dismissed. While it is proven that doing things such as exercise can improve moods, telling a person to go on a walk, take a shower, or many other common coping skills can feel out of touch with the gravity of depression and the challenges of coping with it. So it is not without a sense of real concern and apprehension that I approach the topic of coping with depression. Rather than looking at the traditional lists that commonly circulate, may I give a bit of a different look at how a person can approach coping with depression?
What is Depression?
First it is important to clarify what depression is. Everyone gets sad. When we watch a sad movie, when our favorite team loses, or when we have to work later than we planned, we are sad. Sometimes our situations lead to a very deep sadness. Maybe we have a beloved pet die, a family member, or we lose a job, any number of things. Is this depression? It can lead to depression, certainly, but sad, even tragic events, and our natural reactions to them are not clinical depression. Clinical depression is the persistent feeling of hopelessness, sadness, and one key factor, loss of interest in doing things that we previously found joy or comfort in. An example may be that someone loses a job and this is upsetting to them, naturally. At first they work hard to apply for new jobs, but as they get rejected by applications, the job search makes them tired and frustrated. They end up in a new job, and get back to their normal moods. This is likely not clinical depression. However, if instead of getting back to their normal moods they find that even though they are working they are not happy and no longer find joy in the things they used to love, they may be depressed. So, if you feel like you are depressed, what now? How can you deal with it?
Acceptance
The first skill I want to talk about is acceptance. As much as it is a frustration to those of us who dedicate our careers to the field of mental health, there is still stigma with mental health, and even sometimes with showing emotions. If you are someone who has depression, it is okay to talk about it. It is okay to have bad days. It is okay to admit you feel defeated. This does not make you weak. You are not a bad person because you are depressed. You have not done something wrong. It is not a moral failing. When you accept that you are depressed, then you can explore coping skills and treatment more easily. I have worked with so many clients who come in and ask what is wrong with them and why can’t they just be happy like everyone else? We do not understand all the causes of depression, but we do know that it is something that can happen to anyone, and that you did not do anything to cause yourself to be depressed.
Seek Professional Help
Along with the discussion of stigma and acceptance, seeking professional help can often be looked down on. Many people still feel embarrassed to admit that they see a therapist. Others feel afraid to admit they take medication or that they want to ask their doctor for medication. Just like we seek treatment for headaches, back pain, diabetes, or any other medical condition, seeking professional help is essential for proper treatment. Trying to tough it out or cope with depression on your own may seem to work for a little while, but it can be as dangerous as a diabetic like me trying to control my blood sugar without the help of my doctor and my medications. There are a variety of different types of treatment available. From different counseling methodologies to different medications and different ways to work with depression, you do not need to suffer without professional guidance. It can be difficult to understand what treatment might be best for you, and the next few points will help with how you can develop treatment and coping that is right for you.
Know Yourself
When I was newly diagnosed as a diabetic, the first doctor I went to told me to stop eating most of the foods I love and wake up early to exercise. Because I love food and do not love mornings, I already knew this was not going to work out well for me, and I was not going to follow through with the doctor’s orders. I later found a different doctor who helped me understand good food options that included things I enjoyed within a diabetic-friendly framework, and exercise that did not include early mornings. I found myself coping a lot better with this new treatment plan. What does this have to do with depression? Knowing yourself is the best way to develop a mental health treatment plan that will be beneficial. As mentioned above, movement can be therapeutic for depression. If you are a person who has found enjoyment in going to the gym, then you might want to try and use exercise for coping. If that is something that has not been helpful for you in the past, trying to make it a part of your treatment because your friend or therapist said it was good for you may just add to feelings of guilt. Perhaps you could try movement in other ways. Do you like to move to music? Try dancing alone in your room, or with a loved one. Maybe take a pet for a walk. If even that is too overwhelming, walk to the mailbox and give yourself credit for that. If you find that you are more of a sensory person, consider using sights, smells, or sounds. Create a playlist, keep lotion nearby, connect with your pet, or visit someone who has a pet if you do not. If you are a person who finds comfort in silence, work on meditation, find quiet places at home or in nature. If you are a person who finds comfort around others, look for ways to connect. Many people find connection in art, music, and creative pursuits. Adult coloring books have become popular because of this. A very common and traditional coping skill that is often suggested is to journal. One way to experiment with this is to find creative ways to write, focusing on emotions and words. Consider trying to write poetry or express feelings in other ways. I have had clients use different technology to record voice memos because they do not like to journal but like to get their thoughts out. I have had clients decide to draw their journals or make collages rather than write a traditional journal. The act of knowing yourself allows you to cope in a way that is individualized, and that individualization will make it far more likely to be successful. Don’t feel guilty if you, like me, would rather stay in bed til 9am and would never be seen running at a gym at 6am, or really running anywhere. There are many different ways to cope. It is important to find the ways that will work for you, not the ways that someone else thinks are the only right ways.
Slow and Steady
When I am working with people who are trying to cope with depression, they express a lot of frustration at their own perceived failures and lack of ability to “get better”. I hear a lot of people say that they should just be happy and they don’t know why they are not yet. Unrealistic expectations can make coping a lot more challenging. If you are struggling to make it out of bed, and you are able to only do a little on a particular day, allowing yourself to be slow and steady with your coping may be much more helpful than being a harsh inner critic about what you are not doing. Take time to reflect on small gains that happen, even if they seem insignificant. Can you find one thing to laugh about or smile about each day? If that is the start, and you move forward from there, that can be the slow and steady beginning.
Celebrate
Take the time to celebrate the good times, enjoy the wins. This may seem like an obvious coping skill, but it is surprisingly difficult. Many people who have dealt with the ups and downs of depression struggle a lot with shame, and have expressed to me that they do not feel like they deserve the good days, or that people will not want to celebrate with them because they are such a “downer” all the time. I have even had people talk about fears of what others may think or feel if they finally get the energy they need to go out one day, and then it does not last. One of the best ways I have seen people cope is to just take each moment as it is, and let the joy in when it does come.